“So what are you doing with your weekend”, I hear you cry? Aside from punctuating things badly (see my previous post, and I notice the witch-queen Lynne Truss has launched a website asking for people to send examples of bad grammar), I’m off to a wedding tomorrow.

I seem to have got to a point in life where I either don’t want to drink at all or need to drink in excess. Anything less just leaves me with a headache. And as I don’t know many people at the wedding, and are getting a lift from my parents-in-law-to-be, then I’m going the non-drinking route. So that means I won’t be dancing either (I have to be drunk to dance). At least I get a free meal out of it and ideas for my own wedding ;o)

Not really V&J (if you’re reading this) - but, let’s be honest, a room full of people you don’t know and you’re stone-cold sober isn’t the most fun ways to spend an evening. Maybe they’ll surprise me.

Anyway, their wedding has reminded me of something. When I created a website for my own wedding, I referred to it as “David and Jens” wedding. I knew someone would comment on the order of the names and I wasn’t wrong. Jen doesn’t have an issue with it - to me I did it because it’s alphabetical and seems to “flow” better that way round. I don’t know if there’s a standard way of ordering names, but it usually seems to be alphabetical.

Of course, all my arguing leads to nothing because they simply refer to the aforementioned wedding of “Vikki and Jon”. You can’t win.

Anyway, I’ve booked work off on Monday because I desperately need some sleep and general rest (the only holiday I’ve had in months was a week with the family, with 9 children. And that’s not a rest in anyones book). Now, what to do…. I’ll certainly Blog and let you know how the wedding goes. Fingers crossed!

The following check list should help you with your grammar. It’s certainly made my grammar what it is today.

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.